nv had tiz feelin

Yo peeps.Itz been sometime since i lasted blog.Many things had happened, many unexpected things had happened which had change my mood for couple of days till now.

At first things was nice and smooth.Suddenly out of a sudden everything came to light and ended all the happiness in ourself.How can we prevent it??I have no idea, was the decision made correctly??I dont know.Time and times im tryin to talk through it but to no avail.My mood sank every minute of the day, im losin myself soon.I cant think straight i cant work.The concentration just isnt there.Now everything to me seem to be black.No colors in my life.WHY??Why is this all happenin.Tell me what you said was true and you are not entertainin me.Why must people lie to themselves??

Thursday was the 'Summary Exercise' of the ATGM course.I didnt do much just walkin with the troop correct their mistake and scolded them.I didnt even have the mood to talk to them actually but thatz my job.6 more months to go and im free.I wanna get out of it, im sufferin really really sufferin but no one knows.Everyone thought that im happy workin in there.The amount of pain i go through no one understand.Not even my parents.Yesterday, i felt a sharp pain in my eyes.Itz swollen and sore now since yesterday morning.I wish i was blind so that i dont have to face the world or even anyone.Me and my darkness is more than contented.Im just too lazy to do anything.I have given up interest in usin the computer i cant sit still infront of it even for 5 minutes.Thatz how im feelin now.But who understand??No one.Everyone simply thinks that i will be fine and im strong.At some point of time, one will get weak.Even the strongest guy will break down and tears rollin down their cheek.

Everything just happened so sudden when i was almost there.It threw me right down under again.But do anyone care??NO...everyone just said itz part of life and itz all fated.Do i deserved such life??what wrong have i done??I cant be even compared to a bad guy.I played good guy all the time and i was taken advantage.Should i be mean??Should i be evil??God, we are playin a fool on me all the time.Im sick and tired of your game.Take me away if you wanna continue foolin me as i cant take it any longer.

peace

different thinkin

Yo peeps, time flies very fast.The weekend is comin to an end.Tomorrow a new week for work and school.Monday Blues comin again.So lets see what the weekend is for me.

Saturday mornin woke up and was thinkin what should i do.Have not really planned my day, was suppose to go rock climbin but everyone isnt free and so didnt go.Planned to go down to sea sports club to sign up for the First Aid course but my cousin never reply.So at around 1430hrs a long friend asked me out.Went for movie "The haunted Apartment" itz a japanese movie.Slow and borin so we decided to leave halfway through the show.Went drivin around and catchin up some lost time.It has been like 2 years since we last saw each other.

Went East Coast to have dinner then walk around and chat.She is havin some problems with her boyfriend so was talkin to her about it.Then after drove around again to Geylang then to City Hall area.Ehmm...chat and chat till around 0315hrs in the mornin.Drove over to Peninsular 7-11 to get a drink.Then after send her home.Reached home around 0410hrs, shower and in bed til 1130hrs this mornin.Well, this isnt the latest timin I ever reached home.The latest was like 0700 hrs the next day.But itz been a long time since i return home so late.

So today, was suppose to go rock climbin at 1200hrs but i could drag myself out of bed.Damn tired and lazy to do anythin so this week no climb.Gotta catch it back next week.Gandma is out of town again to Melaka with Church.Comin back tonight but dont know what time.Well, im goin back camp tonight so dad is pickin her up.

Ehmm...I finally understand myself, the way i think and see things.And well, at least somebody understand how I think and agree with me.Thou sometimes what i say can be quite mean and stupid but thatz what everyone mind is for.Different people different thinkin.I worked differently, i think differently.Thatz what i am.I dont need to say nice things to please someone or worse still care about his/her feelings, because its not helpin at all.If I lie to make someone feel better iz not gonna help.Things will still be the same.

People say i dress like a teenager when im a adult.So??Do i need to please you with my dressin??Whats wrong with a 22 years old guy wearin jeans and t-shirt with a nike dunks shoes??I like that image..why must i wear pants and shirt??I thought this is a open society, everyone is free to do anything but no i was wrong.If my parents dont think that therez anything wrong with my dressin then who are you to tell me??I dont even care what my parents, siblin and relatives think about me, not even my girlfriend.I dont have to please anyone.Thatz my principle.

Guyz, please dont change my thinkin.I wanna stay the way im now, the way i think and the way i dress.Sometimes i might be childish i know but therez nothing wrong with it.When it comes to relaxation one can be a kid.But when it comes to work im serious.There is a line draw inbetween tellin me what to do.When to be a kid and when to be an adult.

cheers

Singapore idol

Yo peeps..here im again...damn...nth much to update was kinda like waitin for time to past before goin back to camp.

So was watchin the Singapore Idol on tv just now.It was like why do people have to go so crazy over someone??Screamin and shoutin like a mad person.Wastin money on poster and banners.Hey, they are just a contestant man not even a winner yet.People cried when they are kick out of the competition.Is it necessary??Did anyone saw the background??People jumpin around like fools, screamin like nobody business and shed tears.God, itz crazy man.

I think the votin system needs to be change.We just have to realize that what the judge decide should counts and not the votes by fans or whatsoever.You just need someone who is damn fuckin rich to vote for you and you can win.Furthermore, are they really votin for talent or looks??We know it in our heart, looks do matter in this competiton for some people.But whats the point??Is look going to represent Singapore or the voice??What happened to last season idol??Missin??I could only see him on the 7-11 avertistment thatz all.And c'mon guys you have been spendin so much money votin.And where is the runner up for last season??totally gone??Not a single image of him.There is really a need to change the votin system.

Guyz, c'mon dont be so crazy.Itz just so not proper...

cheers

what a day

Yo peeps..Howz it goin??second day of the week.Mine was pretty great.Doin nothing but sleepin the whole day.Haha...

So yesterday was the start of IMF, my battalion is doin duty at the airport and im enjoyin myself at SIW.Haha....Sleepin the whole day, sound good huh.Well, actually itz pretty borin but well who cares.Ehmm...wasnt in a good mood lately.Many things had happened in my live and im gettin sick with it.Now i understand how my cousin feel when everything just dont come your way.

This sunday dive is cancel due to the usual boatman which is hired sold his boat.Now we are left with no boat.Need to find another operator to help us out.So, now i have to re-plan my timetable.What should i do this weekend.Rock climbin or kayakin??Oh ya, im gonna sign up for the first Aid course in October.I need the cert to go for my trainer course.Damn...Some people are not in their usual self lately.Everyone look stress..muggin, work, family, affair, relationship.Hey dude, slow down your pace man, whats there to be stress about??Only loser get stress..haha...Anyway, i have more or less decided to leave my job.Leave the job which brings me so much pain and freedom.Im gettin out of it even if i have no income and i need to sell my car.What choice do i have left with, nothing just come right.Nobody understand.So be it, think about yourselves.Live the life you want, i dont care.My life had been ruin ever since I signed on that paper.There is no turnin back even i regretted now.There is alwayz a price to pay and I paid a heavy price.

People asked what am I gonna do after I leave..God knows man.Im stuck in the middle of nowhere.Maybe disappear from Singapore and never to come back again.Go to Africa sleep with the big elephant and rot there till someone ever finds out.

Guyz, i might seem crazy but i dont bother what you think.Nobody....Human are selfish thatz what I can say.Think about yourself for all I care....

normal weekend

Yo peeps...Howz th weekend??Mine was normal.Didnt do anything much, was slackin at home or should I say rottin at home.Didnt go for rock climbin yesterday or even today.Was hidin at home, feelin kinda depress thou.Too many things to think about.

Ehmm....dont know what to blog today.My mum is not feelin well havin stomach flu i guess.Aunties are all helpin grandma packed her stuff, in one months time i will be havin a new neighbour.Doesnt sound good.Tomorrow is the start of the IMF/world Bank meetin held at Singapore Convention centre.Itz gonna be a big event, just imagine 4 times as big as the National Day parade.Plus the road leadin to Suntec is closed since yesterday.I heard only those with valid passes are allow to go into suntec and drive into suntec.So guess how meaningful it is to be part of the IMF/World Bank event work group.NDP is just nothing.The event last about 2 weeks plus some post-meetin programmes for the delegrates.Lots of organisation is involved in this event.Just to name a few, Singapore Armed Forces, Home Team, Singapore Tourism Board, Hotels, Civilian drivin the BMW and Coaches, Tour guides, Poly Students.Thatz more than enough.Hope the event go smoothly and no activation.

So tonight goin back to camp AGAIN.Itz just like a routine, damn it.When can I change this fate of mine.Well, everything happened for a reason.Anyway, i have nothing else to talk about so shouldnt waste much space here.

Guyz, the week is goin to start again.A week to start workin like hell, scoldin people and gettin things done.To those involved in IMF, itz gonna be tough but well we should be proud and honour to be part of the officals.

Peace to the World

SIW

Yo peeps.The week is comin to an end again.Howz it goin??Well, mine was pretty bored thou.Nothing much to do at work.

So Monday morning, woke up pretty early to get the weapon and store ready for my platoon to go for course at SIW held at Pasir Laba Camp.3 commanders went there with me as AI.Nothing much happened thou.We are only needed durin practical lesson so most of the time we were in the specialists' mess or in the bunk sleepin.Haha...

Ehmm...just now went back to battalion to see Commanding Officer.I was issused with a vebal warnin against the court case.MINDEF wanted to terminate my contract but my CO helped me fight against them.And now im issused with a Record of Vebal Warnin.Well, this record will be with me for life, itz my folio.I dont know whatz the complication behind it.Promotion stop??no year end bonus??etc...But well, whatz done is done what can I do??Anyway, im plannin to leave the army too.I sit back and think alot today.The greatest regrets in my life was to sign on.I have wasted my life and cause a record in me.I really regretted it alot.Now im hangin in the air dont know which way to go.I have so many committments now how to leave??Where to get the money to pay for my car, insurance??If I dont leave I wont be able to survived another 5 years with a record.HOW??

On a lighter note, there is a dive this month.YES!!!Finally, although its a local dive at Pulau Hantu which im damn familiar with the place but well, who cares itz divin and i get to clear my deep dive, night dive and advance diver course.Sound great huh!!After this dive im finally a Advance diver and whats next??Master diver....YEAH!!!Im lookin forward to this day.Oh ya, another thing..Im a volunteer with the People Association Youth Movement.Just received their mail and Im added into their database, best still in their Adventure teams.This is the only thing that can keep me away from thinking about my career.Itz already down the drain.The hardwork that I put in.Im not gonna care much or do much but just concentrate on my divin, kayakin and rock climbin.

Guyz, what was your biggest regrets??Mine was to sign on without givin a second though.What about you??

President challenge

Yo peeps, the week has come to the end again.So how have it been??Mine was pretty hectic thou.Lots of things to do.Lets recap.

So this week worked for 3 days, monday was a off because of AHM.Tuesday was runnin around to get my platoon stuff ready for next week ATGM operator course.Although Im not the platoon sergent but it seems like im doin everything.Wednesday came the nightmare, my platoon sergent is goin for a 1 month course and im standin in for him.Meanin i have to played 2 roles.A team commander and a platoon sergent.There is so much to do, many things under him is not done yet and new task keep comin in.Friday, was 'cobra cup'.Woke up early to go down to Mandai Hill camp to set up the field but i escape from settin up as i have to get my drivers to drive our jeep back camp.haha.

Today, was a fun day thou.Went for 'President Challenge' held at Jurong lake.Was suppose to bring the disable kids out for kayak but the committee change the programme to "cleanin the coastline".So we are suppose to bring a bunch of secondary school student to clean the coastline on kayak.Most of them do not know how to kayak so we have to use some strength to bring them around on a double.The whole event ended around 1300hrs.It was quite fun when gettin to know many more other kayakers around.Im startin to love volunteerin jobs.

Im so stress now.I have got lots of things to do and I cant find time.Oh ya, I have been a bad person this week.I gave 4 of my men extra duties and confinement plus bookin in early.I dont know if i have done the right thing but well I will keep to my stand.I need to whack them hard to instill discipline.In 2 weeks, i have gave out 5 men punishment.was it a right choice??

Sometimes I wonder.Why people get over things so easily??Some on the surface say that they wont get things over easily but they also show on the surface they have get over things and seen enjoyin themselves.Is this what people always say '2 faces'??I think so.But well, itz all up to individual.

Guys, have you always have so much to think of that you felt bother by it??tryin ways to escape and stuff.Well, i have felt that before.

peace