sucky

Yo peeps, howz the weekend goin??Im pretty bored thou.Was like indoor the whole day and came to do some soul searchin too.

I feel that my life is pretty screwed up one way or another.Sometimes, walkin on the streets I see students, adults carryin their briefcase goin to work in their nice workin suit.Goin home after knockin off, havin lunch of their choice.And I looked at myself...havin the same food every week, same dish everyday of the week for breakfast,lunch and dinner.Havin to wear the god damn uniform 24/7, havin to paint my face green and black when trainin comes, carryin heavy load and gettin injury.Havin to take physical test every now and then, run, route marches, paper work and area cleanin.I just find it damn sucky, screwed up.

6 years in Primary school, what have I done??Wasted too much time on my ECA, volunteerin myself too much.How many times have i skip class just to do volunteer work.5 years in secondary school, what have I achieved??Nothin..Yes..I have made some wonderful friends, some horrible friends.Some happy moments and some sad moments.I have put too much times spendin with my friends, soccer and stuff.Who do i blame??I can only blame myselg and nagged at myself.How envy i was to see people being able to study, able to go one step higher.Up to today, im still questionin myself 'Why the fuck did I sign on' ??Im fuckin regrettin the decision because of one person.I hate the regimental life, i hate being control and now im in a fuckin job that im being tied down all the time.I fucked up my education, i fucked up my job and I fucked up my life.

I can possibly be happy.It hasnt really been good since I posted to 4 SIR.Yes, I made some wonderful people but sometimes i just hate it.I hate it when my parents have to start worryin for me whenever I book out.They know me, even if im facin a problem I wont tell them. They know when im feelin down, they know when im havin problems. But all they can do is to just see me this way.How many times have i came home with injury??My legs, hands, knee caps and my back. My friends laugh at me, sayin im a dumb idiot to sign on.Only idiots sign on.But whats the reason??Only 1 person knows, yes...Im foolish to sign on, my mum didnt even know that i sign on till Im enlisted. She dont even know what my contract says, I got my dad to sign the consent for me.He talked to me for hours not to sign but at the end i signed.The tears my family shed for me when I was taken away to camp.I know i wont be able to take the tough trainin, i know myself.how many times hae my asthma attack durin the first few months of trainin.Nobody knows.How many times I fall sick??But what can i do??My fuckin signature is on that damn paper.

I hate my life whenever things happened.I wanna run away from problems, I dont wanna be in the force.I dont care if you people think itz good anot.If itz good why dont you sign on and try??Many people regretted signin on.Be i for money,interest or even runnin away from problems.Many people regretted.Yes, the pay is good.I like the pay but i hate the life in there. I felt sad whenever i cant meet the requirement, im afraid i cant handle my troopers and pressure.I really hate it, this is not the kinda life im lookin for.

I realise now that no point sacraficin for someone.Because at the end of the day you wont get back anythin in return.Human are selfish, they only think about themselves.Nobody will appreciate what you do, there are reasons behind everythin.And if you cant accept it I freakin cant do anythin.Im not gonna be nice anymore, not gonna let anyone take advantage of me.I made too much mistake in my life, too much wrong decision and i wanna put a full stop to it.Im not gonna feel guilty over anythin.I have done what im suppose to do.

To that someone out there.You are the reason why I sign on and you know why.Yes, i have told you that I didnt regretted at all but the truth is i have.The every first day i step into camp and worn that uniform and being label as a regular.I have regretted.I almost broke down on the first day in camp goin thur all the shit and tekan session.Now that you have achieved what you wanted its time for me to leave.I have done my part to make you pull thur.Well, its good to see that you are happy and havin a great time with your friends.Well, it will be better this way.I dont need your pity or whatsoever.I have understand and seen enough.People come and go, and guess we will go our seperate ways.There wont be a helicopter waitin for you, pickin you up.I guess we will be friends till today.Was it a best decision??I dont know..Anyway, Good luck in whatever you do.

1 more week and im leavin for Taiwan, will only touchdown back in Singapore on 16 April.1 month trip might be long and i hope it would be my last overseas trainin.Itz gonna be shag for sure.But i cant do anythin, I just have to suffer in silence.Anyway, no one understand it either.What the point of explainin??

Guyz, have a great weekend.No off for me before flyin off and it makes it even sucky.Work till Friday then Monday fly off.I hate it...I have yet to packed my stuff because i have given up and im not that interested.

Cheers