on leave

Yo peeps, here i am again bloggin with nothing much particular in mind.2nd day of my leave, didnt do anythin much.Im enjoyin every single moment at home even thou iz bored.I have gotta get used to it after I leave the army this is gonna be my life.

I have some thoughts today.Somethings just went thur my mind, somethin thatz always in my mind.GOALS??What is it that i want??what is my goal??what i wanna achieve out of my life??what acutally i wanna be??whatz my dreams??I still remember when i was a kid, i love goin to the airport, i wanna be a poilet..but well, what have i ended up to be??A solider, to be exact a combat soldier. someone whom was trained to fight war,run,climb, walk and carryin heavy load.Yes, itz challengin but it wasnt my dream.Everyone wants a better life, who doesnt want??But we need to work double hard to achieve it.Whose not envy about others livin comfortably??who doesnt envy people not havin to worry about work even they just sit at home??At the end of the day it really comes down to whether we have work hard enough.We cant blame anyone for the life that we are leadin now.

I regretted lots of stuff actually.I regretted not puttin in the extra effort in school.i should say from elementary school.I remember havin to be too busy with my ECA that i neglected my studies.I was involved in many programmes and often missin class.I had a tutor but i didnt treasure, i wasnt serious about school work and thus my result just keep fallin.Comin to High school, same thing just happened.I wasnt bother at all and thinks that everythin will just come my way.but i was wrong, I didnt manage my time well.Goin home late everyday and stuff.After signin on, seein so many people around me ORD-ED, i felt jealous.i dont feel rite, people tellin me they are goin back to school, goin to work and stuff and im wonderin what the hell am I doin here??Yes, itz a golden rice bowl, i earn much more than the degree holders out there but im sure their life is far more better than me.Not havin to go thur the regimentation day in day out.Believe it anot, i just hate steppin into any school compound now.It will just remind me of why didnt i study hard enough to be there.Yes, people will say itz okay.But well, i dont have to be bother about what they say, i just hate it.

I wanna start from the beingin.All over again, i wanna go back to school, finished what i have to finish.Continue doin what i wanna do, dive, climb, kayak.Learnt new things everytime.the question will come back again.Am I gonna finished servin my contract??I really donno.The angel of me say i should leave and not waste more time.But the devil in me say i should stay, well...at least no matter what on the 10th of each month i will stil get my pay.I have thought about it, someone have to sponsor me for the next 2 years if i really wanna leave.My car, insurance, bills, school fees and daily expenses.Even thou i saved up and dont spend a single cent money will still be a prob.I really donno what i should do or even plan my life.

I wanna change for a better, be a mature man and continue my life.I have miss out 5 years worth of treasure, i realize 5 years i can do alot of things.Just by lookin at my friends, im just way behind them.The only differences is that i own a car and have a stable job.But knowledge and experinces wise i lost out to them.Nobody wants to lost to anyone out there, but sometimes situation just dont allow us at all.So im gonna change it.I wanna start savin and spendin lesser money or better not spendin any.

Guyz, everyone has flaws.Yes, i dont care what people say or think about it.I just dont bother.But well, itz time to improve.Im sure i can work things out.Friends out there, im gonna win you guyz one day.Even thou at times i bring myself down so be it.Itz just the fact.

Peace to the World