reflection
Hi guyz..I felt like writin something today.Something that has alwayz been botherin me one way or another.Be it im happy or sad.Something that took a turnin point in my life.
Times flies..it has been 6 years since i left school and join the army.A moment of rush, childish decision.Without much thinkin, without much seekin from others, i choose the path to join the army.A tough and rough decision that took a turnin point in my life.It has been a rough 6 years, havin to keep gettin torture by my instructor from BMT to being a trainee in SISPEC to thereafter passin out to be a instructor in SISPEC and now a section commander in 4 SIR.In lifes, everyone will face problems and torture but I feel that the torture was far too much for me to handle.I didnt really like army, the regimental life, the routine throughout the year, yet i signed the contract.10 years of my life bonded by a piece of paper with my signature.Regrets??Yes...
Today, I stepped into Singapore poly with dad to see his examination results.Yes..at his age, he is takin optometry, to gain a standin ground in this field.I really pity him, he only went through PSLE and wasnt really taught in English but still he went for the english base lesson.Havin to come home and asked me what does the chapter means.My heart aches because he is goin through so much to gain a standin ground.Paper is what is needed in Singapore.Thatz all about it.Later, i stepped into ITE HQ.Enquirin about school for myself next year.That lady was givin me a look, i knew it, its not gonna be easy.Nothin is gonna be easy after I stepped into school.The age gap I have with my classmates, me in school uniform again after 6 years.What is my life gonna be??Will it be worse??Therez doubt in my decision.
6 years in the army.I have learnt alot, learnt something that textbook doesnt teach.Learnt something that teachers will never mention in class.I have become an adult.A mature adult at a age of 20.I might be childish at times but i know what i am.Army taught me to be tough.From a quiet boy i was in school to a man or rather a commander who would command the platoon and team to get things done.I have soon become my men's father, mother, brother, sister, friend and commander.Fightin for their welfare, lookin after them in camp and talk to them when they face any problems.Thatz what im capable of now, mulit-role.I was glad that I have learnt all this.Itz never easy to be a commander.I remember the every first batch of trainees i had in SISPEC.Everyone in the section was older than me, everyone was better well-educated than me but I have manage to gain their respect and that was an achievement.
23 this year, and i have full of regrets.Regretted of being too playful in primary school, gettin involved too much with ECA, always skippin classes.Regretted not puttin in the extra effort in secondary school, still again being playful.Regretted joinin the army instead of furtherin my studies, due to stupid decision.Who can I blame??No one...i can only blame myself for being so playful when i suppose to be serious.Now lookin back at what i have done , i felt so damn ashamed of myself.I always felt inferior with people around me, people who are better off than me.People said theres still time to be better but look at it i dont.There isnt much time left, my youth is fadin soon.I see each and every of my friends doin much better than me i felt jealous, i felt useless.But then again who do i have to blame??I wanna drift futher apart from them because i dont belong to their group.I know shit about what they are sayin.Every weekend before I book in, i see people my age enjoyin outside and i have to rush back to camp.The feelin sucks.What a freakin routine i have.Whenever the trainin gets tough, the freakin feelin comes back again.Especially so with the freakin 13.5kg missile on my back and the distance that i have to walk.I almost break down everytime because i cant take the weight, my leg is givin me problem again.My knee cap is gone, now i cant walk long distance if not my knee will start achin and the pain is unbearable.But what can i do??I cant break down infront of my men, even how painful it is i still have to push on.I dont have a choice.
Why??Why did i ended my life this way.Itz too late to think and wantin to turn back time.I just have to accept to the life that im havin now.Maybe thatz what was planned for me.God, wantin to test how tough i can go.But seriously, im not that strong, im gonna break down soon.Im so tired, so tired with work and stuff.Lucky, i have a bunch of nice friends in camp who can understand me.I have long given up my friends in school, the keep in touch thingy is bullshit.They will only find you when they need your help.Now that everyone had achieved what they wanted, they freakin forget about you.Thatz life, or maybe they simply just choose their friends.Im not too well-educated to be in their freakin friends list.I dont care much.Im used to it...
Guyz, this post is kinda a reflection of what i felt most of the time.Be it happy or sad.Even how confidence a person is, there is a certain level of inferior within peers.Thats the fact.Its impossible to get it change overnight.Sometimes, it just how the people around you affect how you feel.Their desire to achieve something so much, their desire to be top in everythin and stuff.Oh well, life is cruel, life is heartless.You dont worked hard, you dont gain anythin.
God bless!!
Times flies..it has been 6 years since i left school and join the army.A moment of rush, childish decision.Without much thinkin, without much seekin from others, i choose the path to join the army.A tough and rough decision that took a turnin point in my life.It has been a rough 6 years, havin to keep gettin torture by my instructor from BMT to being a trainee in SISPEC to thereafter passin out to be a instructor in SISPEC and now a section commander in 4 SIR.In lifes, everyone will face problems and torture but I feel that the torture was far too much for me to handle.I didnt really like army, the regimental life, the routine throughout the year, yet i signed the contract.10 years of my life bonded by a piece of paper with my signature.Regrets??Yes...
Today, I stepped into Singapore poly with dad to see his examination results.Yes..at his age, he is takin optometry, to gain a standin ground in this field.I really pity him, he only went through PSLE and wasnt really taught in English but still he went for the english base lesson.Havin to come home and asked me what does the chapter means.My heart aches because he is goin through so much to gain a standin ground.Paper is what is needed in Singapore.Thatz all about it.Later, i stepped into ITE HQ.Enquirin about school for myself next year.That lady was givin me a look, i knew it, its not gonna be easy.Nothin is gonna be easy after I stepped into school.The age gap I have with my classmates, me in school uniform again after 6 years.What is my life gonna be??Will it be worse??Therez doubt in my decision.
6 years in the army.I have learnt alot, learnt something that textbook doesnt teach.Learnt something that teachers will never mention in class.I have become an adult.A mature adult at a age of 20.I might be childish at times but i know what i am.Army taught me to be tough.From a quiet boy i was in school to a man or rather a commander who would command the platoon and team to get things done.I have soon become my men's father, mother, brother, sister, friend and commander.Fightin for their welfare, lookin after them in camp and talk to them when they face any problems.Thatz what im capable of now, mulit-role.I was glad that I have learnt all this.Itz never easy to be a commander.I remember the every first batch of trainees i had in SISPEC.Everyone in the section was older than me, everyone was better well-educated than me but I have manage to gain their respect and that was an achievement.
23 this year, and i have full of regrets.Regretted of being too playful in primary school, gettin involved too much with ECA, always skippin classes.Regretted not puttin in the extra effort in secondary school, still again being playful.Regretted joinin the army instead of furtherin my studies, due to stupid decision.Who can I blame??No one...i can only blame myself for being so playful when i suppose to be serious.Now lookin back at what i have done , i felt so damn ashamed of myself.I always felt inferior with people around me, people who are better off than me.People said theres still time to be better but look at it i dont.There isnt much time left, my youth is fadin soon.I see each and every of my friends doin much better than me i felt jealous, i felt useless.But then again who do i have to blame??I wanna drift futher apart from them because i dont belong to their group.I know shit about what they are sayin.Every weekend before I book in, i see people my age enjoyin outside and i have to rush back to camp.The feelin sucks.What a freakin routine i have.Whenever the trainin gets tough, the freakin feelin comes back again.Especially so with the freakin 13.5kg missile on my back and the distance that i have to walk.I almost break down everytime because i cant take the weight, my leg is givin me problem again.My knee cap is gone, now i cant walk long distance if not my knee will start achin and the pain is unbearable.But what can i do??I cant break down infront of my men, even how painful it is i still have to push on.I dont have a choice.
Why??Why did i ended my life this way.Itz too late to think and wantin to turn back time.I just have to accept to the life that im havin now.Maybe thatz what was planned for me.God, wantin to test how tough i can go.But seriously, im not that strong, im gonna break down soon.Im so tired, so tired with work and stuff.Lucky, i have a bunch of nice friends in camp who can understand me.I have long given up my friends in school, the keep in touch thingy is bullshit.They will only find you when they need your help.Now that everyone had achieved what they wanted, they freakin forget about you.Thatz life, or maybe they simply just choose their friends.Im not too well-educated to be in their freakin friends list.I dont care much.Im used to it...
Guyz, this post is kinda a reflection of what i felt most of the time.Be it happy or sad.Even how confidence a person is, there is a certain level of inferior within peers.Thats the fact.Its impossible to get it change overnight.Sometimes, it just how the people around you affect how you feel.Their desire to achieve something so much, their desire to be top in everythin and stuff.Oh well, life is cruel, life is heartless.You dont worked hard, you dont gain anythin.
God bless!!
posted by Jared Wong and Melissa Kheh at
21:45
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home